Dear Bachi, my boyfriend’s education loan delaying our marriage

Two years ago, we fell in love when we were both 25, and everything was proceeding well.

Then he went to the US for studies. He finally found a job there, I thought we would get married since he was now settled. But he began dragging his feet saying he had to sort out his education loans and heaven knows what. Losing my cool, I broke up over the phone. Both sets of parents are aware about our relationship.

Mine are concerned over this turn of affairs but his seem to be concerned only about their son paying off his loans. However, recently they called me over with my folks for lunch ostensibly to discuss marriage; we also took along expensive gifts. The mother acted very cold, and when asked up front about wedding dates, she and her husband said we should wait another year.

When I conveyed this hurtful casual attitude to my boyfriend, he mollified me saying we wouldn’t have to wait that long, but dodged specifying which month.

In disgust I ignored my boyfriend’s calls and emails for two days. He called my dad in desperation, and begged him to make me talk to him once again. He proclaimed that he can’t live without me. I relented, but deep down I feel really unsure and insecure about when he will return and if we will actually settle down. Please guide me.

– Impatient Indira

Dear Impatient Indira,

Okay so you love him, and he has professed his love for you, on the phone, on Whatsapp, your Inbox, even to your Dad. So what’s the problem? The guy’s under pressure; that loan is a big millstone round his neck, you know.

From the tone of your letter, you don’t strike me as the type who will rough it out on a tight budget till commitments are taken care of, whether the guy returns to India or calls you over.

Have a little patience, give him the benefit of the doubt; he may be feeling trapped too in his own way. You can, for the time being, ignore the indifference of the saas-to-be. And do yourself a favour, tell your parents not to demean you, them and the relationship by offering expensive presents.

Ask your questions to Bachi @youaskweanswer@timesinternet.in

(Write Giving Gyan in the subject line of your email)

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