Dear Bachi, I am ready to mingle, but still single

Dear Bachi,

I am nearly 25 years old, and still haven’t found a single person who would say they have feelings for me. It sometimes just breaks my heart when I think about it. To make the situation worse, it has happened with me twice that the girls that I liked, went with my closest friends. This shattered me.

I have asked people what’s the problem with me, and ‘low self-confidence’ is the reason that came out most often. Please give me some gyan on how I should feel better about myself.

–Love-Hungry

Dear Love-Hungry,

First of all, you are only 25, so it’s not the end of the world if you haven’t yet found someone willing to care for you. So stop breaking your heart over it. That organ is pretty tough, and will be beating away eagerly when the next opportunity comes along. Feeling like a loser will ultimately make you actually a loser. That’s called a self-fulfilling prophecy. Your friends are right, you are unable to hold on to relationships because you feel you are not good enough. So stop whipping yourself into a frenzy. How can a girl feel secure in a relationship, if the guy is so unsure of himself.

My guess is that you either overdo things to show your affection or are too timid, and so underdo. But here’s the trick. Stop trying so hard. Even more important, don’t look at every girl as a potential life partner.

First learn to be just friends. That way you just might find that both of you are ready to take it to the next level. If she doesn’t want to, don’t push it. Friendship is precious, don’t push it away because you are desperate to ‘settle’ down. And do stop going around asking people ‘what the problem is with’ you. That itself is a self-humiliating question, guaranteed to lower your self-esteem further. Just know that there’s nothing wrong with you. Tell me, dude, why should there be?

Ask your questions to Bachi @youaskweanswer@timesinternet.in

(Write Giving Gyan in the subject line of your email)

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