Modern tangles: Love in lockdown times  – sex and relationships

The last time Gaurav Jain (39) and Raj Shroff (39) met was on Valentine’s Day in Goa. That beautiful day spent on the beach remains their last happy memory together before the Covid-19 unleashed a cruel chasm between the couple at least physically. While Gaurav is a Gurgaon boy, Raj is based in Bengaluru and the duo complete a decade of being together in December this year. Like most of us, the twosome had kick-started 2020 with a lot of trepidation which meant – embarking on week-long holidays each month to different parts of the world. However, the pandemic played spoilsport and the moony couple have been unable to meet each other since the last five months. While Gaurav’s business is in automobiles, Raj has a fashion label and this spell of separation has actually brought them even closer than ever before. ”I miss seeing Gaurav in person, but I know that our love is strong and both of us have been mature about it in these trying times. There’s no point going helter-skelter with emotions. We speak or text each other throughout the day and have regular video calls. Both of us have businesses to run and mums to take care of. Though I miss meeting his mom and going out together.”  Gaurav and Raj have always been used to the long distance relationship and before the pandemic, they would meet three to four times in a month.

“Thank god for video calls which we do once or twice a day. These past four months have kind of made me realise what are things that really matter in life. I thank God on a daily basis as without Raj in my life, I would have been like a headless chicken. Physically, we may not be together, but I know he’s there for me,” says Gaurav.  

During the lockdown, the couple indulged in a virtual drinking night on a video call.

“It was silly and fun. We were both being in a moment and discussing how things are going to be, what’s going to change,” shares Gaurav, who once surprised his partner by sending him a simple lunch custom-made at a hotel along with his favourite vegan dessert and wine. “I know Raj craves that kind of food,” says Gaurav.  

“When you spend so many years together, you garner the strength that your husband is going to be with you forever. We are not officially married, but he’s my partner. We built that kind of trust in each other,” says Raj. 

There were times when both of them were feeling low and turned to their respective friends to share their feelings while being a pillar of strength to each other. 

“We showed our vulnerable side to our girlfriends and had a heart to heart chat with them, but we didn’t share those feelings with each other. Instead, we wanted to show strength to each other. When the lockdown eased in Bengaluru, I went to work, Gaurav called me four times and checked with me if I had my mask and gloves on,” says Raj, who maintains that Gaurav is way more romantic.   

“After a few days, when I started venturing out, then I sort of came to terms with the idea of going out and working with necessary precautions,” says Gauarv. 

The duo can’t wait for the lockdown to end so that they could meet each other.

“I consider him to be my better half and he’s always been my sounding board and support system. This quarantine has made me realise that life is actually simple and we make it complicated. We have an option of enjoying a simple life and in fact, there will be a time we’d give up on everything and embrace that simplicity. I have to admit that the lockdown did make me very restless, but since Bengaluru luckily opened first so things are looking up. As per the policy here, all arrivals to the city have to be quarantined for 14 days hence we’ve thought of not travelling as of now,” says Raj. 

One’s keen to ask if any of them were ever tempted to log on to the gay dating app Grindr during this separation. “I don’t have a Grindr account. I think both of us crossed that barrier in the initial phase of our relationship,” says Raj. ”The very idea of going to a dating app never occurred to us and we don’t have those cravings,” says Gaurav.The duo turn 40 in the months of August and September and plan to bring in their birthdays in Goa if the situation goes back to normal. “I don’t see us travelling anytime soon and once we meet then we’ll pick from where we left from,” says Gaurav.