Corporate head-hunters and the art of Indian Matchmaking

I come neither to bury Sima Aunty, nor to praise her.

Back in July, I was curious and clicked on the Netflix show Indian Matchmaking after a late-night Zoom call. I cheered for some characters and cringed at others; my head hurt but I couldn’t stop watching. Unlike most friends who launched into a social debate on the meat market, misogyny and the mother-in-law, my fascination was driven by personal experience of a different kind.

As a corporate head-hunter, I guess I am a matchmaker too, and I do believe in the matchmaking process (there, I said it). But while others yelled at the screen at Akshay and Aparna’s moms, or cheered for Nadia or Vyapar, I was busy ooh-ing or uh-oh-ing at the sutradaar, the fascinating Mrs T. I concluded that there is much I can learn from Sima Aunty — and I do have some tips to offer her as well. So, from one Marwari matchmaker to another, here goes…

Business development: This bit, Sima Mami has completely on point. She looks and dresses the part, is part of her client’s social ecosystem, at all relevant events, and their homes. “I’m Sima from Mumbai” is fast becoming synonymous with hustle. Her elevator pitch is well-rehearsed, confident and consistent, and she is not shy about marketing her services and talking up her credentials. She jumps on planes to meet her overseas clients, and is welcomed into their homes. And she uses endorsements very effectively — the couch-couples provided authentic word-of-mouth for the service she provides.

Understanding the brief: She gets to know her clients — she believes in destiny and all that, but she does her homework. She meets them one-on-one and with their families and friends (read: key decision makers, influencers, board members in my world), in their homes, at work, sees how they live, what their lives are like (including their shoes and walk-in wardrobes). She notes the requirements — and like in the corporate world, there is inflation in the qualifications. Where convent-educated used to suffice, a law degree or a successful career is normal. Well-travelled (Bolivian salt flats) has replaced homely. Flexibility is still a big one though. “Not funny” was new. But statistics remain vital, for the most part.

My advice to Sima Aunty: Spend time on nuancing the brief, even while respecting client desires. Read between the lines, and then help clients develop realistic expectations. Equally, work on getting various friends and family (read stakeholders in my world) on the same side of the table to also be on the same page. Identifying the real decision maker (mummy?) is obviously important.

Assessment: My father is considered the pioneer of corporate recruitment in India, and here I offer Sima Aunty his oft-repeated advice — peel the onion. I think she could go deeper in surfacing the real motivations, values, the genuine drivers and helping her clients with alternative points of view. Articulating biases and potential deal-breakers early in the process is usually a good idea (oh, you drink, do you?)

Shortlisting: She absolutely does follow the brief and produces a match from her extensive database. I like her CV presentation. I also like the fact that she doesn’t offer too many choices, but recommends the best fit, though I would suspect a corporate search would demand an initial shortlist of three to five at least. But as my dad keeps saying, it’s not just about throwing stones at the mango tree hoping one will fall. A good matchmaker uses insight on both parties to go beyond the LinkedIn (or Hinge) algorithm and truly curate a match.

The show neatly (and wisely) sidestepped deeper biases of religion, caste and the evils of dowry. All I will say is, the rot is real and this holds true in corporate India too. Just figure out client biases early on in the process, so you don’t waste everyone’s (and your own) time. It’s your prerogative to choose to work with certain clients, but having taken on a project, the main responsibility is to deliver. Do not diss thy clients. So yes, Aparna is “difficult” — but also perhaps the one with the clearest, most honest and consistent brief.

Due diligence: I love that Sima Aunty goes into client’s homes, but I think she sometimes misses the skeletons in those well-appointed closets. There are some obvious diligence issues (married earlier? criminal records in the family?). And Sima Aunty should know that these sorts of surprises don’t go down well. While Vyasar handled his father’s sketchy background with incredible candour, and it certainly wasn’t an insurmountable hurdle, this was something Sima Aunty should have perhaps known and judiciously tackled in advance.

Interview: I loved that the meetings were free-flowing in a variety of natural settings (but really, goat yoga is a thing?). Where Sima Aunty could have done a much better job, was in prepping her clients. Some candidates clearly required coaching with an elevator pitch, an interview script, or even how to dress for a date. It’s not about suiting up to present a fake version of yourself, but making the effort to scrub up a bit for the occasion. We all know that there is a lifetime of crumpled T-shirts to follow, but that’s really not what you want a potential partner to see on the first date.

Feedback: A post-meeting debrief is key, and even more critical in situations that didn’t go well, so one can learn from them, and the matchmaker can further curate recommendations. And while it’s perfectly okay for a candidate to step out of the process, even after seven interviews, it’s definitely not okay to just not show up. That happens too often in the corporate world too — have you ever had a client frothing at the mouth because of a no-show candidate? Dump these candidates, forever. They might be shooting themselves in the foot, but they’ll kill your reputation along the way.

Coaching: I totally loved the fact that Sima Aunty encouraged people to use life (read executive) coaches to help them become more self-aware. Note: avoid recommending misogynistic, prescriptive advisors though. Also, some of her male clients could have used those self-awareness interventions too. And transposing back to my world, sometimes clients need coaching too, not just the candidates.

Assessment tools: Without stirring up the raashis on the topic of astrology, perhaps janam-patris and face-readers are the marriage-market’s equivalent of psychometric tests? I will admit though, that I have had corporate clients use numerology and graphology and at least one industrialist client who would not even interview candidates born on the 13th. of a month (and one candidate who will not make a decision on Thursdays). If you believe in it, go for it. But please think of it as additional input, to probe, question and assess what you really want. I urge you to not base your entire decision-making on this one metric. Trust your process, Aunty. And clients, please trust your matchmaker, as much as you trust the stars.

Rework: As we know, the cookie crumbles (or the biscuits break, as she said). I admire Sima Aunty’s tenacity and work ethic, at keeping the process going, when a match falls through — always have a plan B, or C . But if a client has swiped left on over 150 profiles, consider that he has not articulated his real requirement, or you haven’t got the brief right or that unicorn simply doesn’t exist. So, look beyond the smoking foxnuts and mirrored walk-in wardrobes — sit down and draw them out, redefine the brief, or review your approach.

Finally, a word of advice for the matchmaker (and all matchmakers): you don’t have to like all your clients or even agree with their values, but you do have to believe in the authenticity of their story, and then sell that honestly. And when you do like your clients (or their mammas), you do have to present a realistic view of who they are, warts and all, to the other side. There are horses for most courses. Having taken on a client, don’t bitch them out or give up — find ways to get those horses across the line.

Season Two? Oh yes please. Unfinished searches really bug me.

(Sonal Agrawal is a headhunter and managing partner at Accord India)