At what age do women hit ‘sexual peak’?

At what age do women have her ‘sexual peak’? I am asked this question frequently in my clinical practice. It may be interesting to note that it is asked more frequently by men than by women.

The first thing I would urge readers to do is to expunge any pre-conceived notions about ‘sexual peaks’ from your thinking. The sexual peak varies from individual to individual. One certainly cannot put a rigid age-limit on it.

While we presume that men as well as women are sexually more interested and active in their twenties and also in their thirties; there are significant percentage of urban women now a days are seen becoming more interested in sex at a little later stage in their life. This could happen particularly if several other situations in her life are dynamic and changing.

For example – she is either doing better or not so well anymore in her career, her children growing up and becoming independent of their relationship with her, she is more able to spare time from work now that a certain level of seniority has been reached, she may have grown more mature in her understanding of life and her body and a desire to be intimate with a partner… or that all the ‘everyday stuff’ is no longer as pressing.

It is also seen often that relationships turn sour due to reasons other than sex. Sometimes relationships feel like they have just stagnated… as either one or both of the partners are not growing as individuals. They may have reached their professional milestones or achieved a major part of their financial goals. They may have also done right by the ‘family playbook’ but the quest for acceptance and self-actualization is an iterative one.

Everyone’s existential crisis varies based on what life stage they find themselves at! This inner struggle or wandering for the big ‘what’s next for me’ is also likely to cause a certain low or lull in the desire and experience of sexual pleasure.

The other thing that I feel concerned about is that when people speak of their sexual peaks, they often have rather unrealistic expectations of themselves. Would it be fair to expect one’s sex lives to become like the ‘hot affairs’ seen in books and movies? A lot of what is depicted in media meant for mass consumption is often glamourized and exaggerated in order to make for a commercially viable product that taps into one’s own fantasies of oneself. Fiction is well and fair as long as one doesn’t compare oneself to celluloid characters that have been scripted by a team of creative writers often based on a production budget or sometimes even the reputation and image of an actor.

If one is not feeling sexually inclined, interested or aroused even when engaging with a partner, then perhaps an appointment with a sex counsellor ‘as a couple’ could help towards understanding what can be done to remedy this.

Each individual and each couple is different and there are countless permutations and combinations possible in their natures, aspirations, goals and priorities. Thus, each case needs personalised analysis and tailor-made solutions.

END OF ARTICLE